Dear Jonny

Apparently douche-iness is in. True talent is out.

Jonny Craig’s almost cult-like following is un-freaking-believable. Starry-eyed fans speak of him as a near God-like rocker and sing his praises; claiming his talent to be on the level of the “greats” of our time. (The irony of all this; half of them don’t have a clue who Led Zeppelin, Hendrix, and Cash are, but I digress…)

Sure, he can carry a tune, but does that seriously make him awesome? Apparently it does in the eyes of misguided fanzies with limited musical knowledge.

What moron would support this dude & his “music”?

At Warped Tour, Jonny & his band’s merch sales practically out-sold many other bands of equal or superior talent. Teens obsessed with his trashy, douchebag rockstar lifestyle swarm his tent desperately hoping for a glimpse of the strung out rocker with the hyper-inflated ego. If they’re lucky they may get chewed out or barfed on. They want to be him.

Think this is a load of crap? Think again. If you buy his merch, buy his albums, and buy his tickets, you ARE supporting him...and his obvious issues with addiction. Why would you want to support someone who treats his fans like shit and is rarely sober? He doesn’t even appreciate you funding his underachieving lifestyle and his washed-up, pathetic image.

Truth is, he is the antithesis of everything that is wrong with the music industry today. Everyone wants to be a rockstar. Not because of the music, but because of the “perks” that come with it. Today’s talent-lacking industry spends more time pushing booze & drugs than pushing the musical envelope, and Jonny Craig, with his trashy tanks, dirty pants, & greasy hair, is a perfect example of everything that is wrong with the world of music today.

So Dear Jonny, do us all a favor. Take your songs, your voice, and your ass-hole personality to rehab where you belong. And while you’re at it, take the music industry with you. You both should be ashamed that you are promoting this kind of garbage to ANYONE.

Shows Gone Wrong

Between the WTB crew, we’ve seen copious amounts of concerts & shows, and for some reason, it never fails that something unbelievably ridiculous happens. Usually, Janna (above) is the victim of the debauchery, but we’ve all seen our share. Here is a compilation of craziness that we’ve all encountered over the past few years.

Picture it. Wilmington, North Carolina, 2008. Breathe Carolina Show.

Mid-song, David kicks the microphone stand. Swinging out of control, the microphone pummels an audience member (Janna) in the head. David, oblivious to the beat down, continues the song un-phased.

Warped Tour ’09. All Time Low.

Final show of a rainy day at Warped Tour. A shirtless, obviously intoxicated ATL calls the crowd’s attention to a white-pants wearing Jonathan Cook (Forever the Sickest Kids) who happens to be standing side stage. They announce to the masses that Jonathan Cook is not only wearing white pants, but he “has a big dick.” How the crap do they know that he has a big dick?  And why are they looking? Is this a band thing?

This same show; wasted All Time Low members suddenly discovered that a certain cloud appeared to be an erect penis…was a show really worth stopping for that? Regardless. We all saw the cloud. And no, it did not resemble an erect penis. Hmmm, beginning to wonder if they have a thing for male genitalia. Just a thought.

A recent Every Avenue show.
A friend of WTB members & fellow concert go-er, was joking around in the audience, saying “Not every street, not every drive…but it’s Every Avenue.” Or something like that. Anyways…In the middle of all this, the Lead singer, drunk of course and obviously impressed, yells out ”I will give you a blow job for that comment!!!”.  Did I mention that our buddy is a BOY? Embarrassed doesn’t begin to cover it.

Summertime show with Family Force Five.
Another WTB blogger got stepped on by Chapstick. This is after he filled his mouth with water and spit on her. NOT cool. And thanks for spreading germs. By the way, you looked brilliant. And one more thing, shampoo is your friend.

Sent By Ravens in Charleston, SC.

Some mindless freak decided his life would not be fulfilled unless he stage dove into the crowd. while some ducked, others were demolished including a WTB blogger, Katie. Never fear, she made us all proud who got up swinging like a champ. You show ‘em girl!

Same show, Another overachiever decided to test gravity. He ended up taking out the lead singer and created a pile-on that left Janna at the very bottom.

20 people. Live show in Charleston. Random “winner at life” runs out of no where and body tackles Janna, leaving her on the floor. She wins the award for most “near death experiences at a concert.”

Band Whores

Band Whores. Band Sluts. Groupies.
Whatever you call them; it’s all pretty much the same. You know the ones. If the music scene was college, they would be the excessively obnoxious sorority girls.

If you’ve ever been to a show, you’ve probably seen a few. They’re not a rare breed. These scantily clad pillars of femininity come to venues dressed to the nines with perfect makeup and hair. Seriously, sweetie. You’re at a show. The primary goal of their species is to hook up. With a guy (or girl). From the band. Success is critical to feed their need for attention, low self-esteem, and status-driven lifestyles. Not the easiest creatures to ignore, they slither their way to the front of the crowd. If you refrain from confrontation, or even if you don’t, they will push you out of your spot; all in an attempt to reach the stage. Not really sure the point in that. They don’t really sing. They don’t usually dance. Half the time, they probably don’t even know the band that’s playing. Oh yeah; that’s right. They push to the stage so they can eye-bang the lead singer. Got it.

And it doesn’t stop there. Some of these precious girls even buy advance tickets, so they can sit and flirt pre-show. This is imperative if they want to gain an edge over others of their “kind” and increase their chance of the coveted “hook up.” Once the show is over, it gets even more pathetic. They strut up to band guys, being certain that real or imitation cleavage is in plain view, and shamelessly flirt. Arm stroking, excessive giggling, pretending they know shit about music. (sorry, search engines don’t make you a musical expert, sweet pea.)

While these Gems of Womanhood plague pretty much every musical genre, they seem to be especially prevalent at Pop/Punk shows. Truthfully, this is partly encouraged by the bands. These guys range from seemingly innocent teenagers like Stereo Skyline to twenty-ish year old, CLEARLY risky guys like All Time Low. What are these girls thinking? Oh yeah. Totally forgot. Being in a band makes your cookies yummy. But their dirty secret is that most of them once were card-holding members of the nerd herd and dreamed about starting a band and getting chicks. Some of them are just so darn UN-cute that they should thank their stars that they can capitalize on the ignorance and low self-esteem of mediocre teenage, female society. In an alternate life, lacking a mic, guitar, & amp; of course, they would be working at Radio Shack and hitting on middle-schoolers.

After much observation, it’s obvious that musicians are pretty typical. They run straight for the same type. All the fun, wholesome, music-loving girls need to turn their sights to the dorks in AV club and geeks in marching band.

Ah. Lesson learned.